My name is Matthew Aaron. I grew up in Oklahoma; a town of 1500. My first college class; bigger than my high school. Favorite color: blue. I despise sushi, but stomach through to seem urban. Growing up, we ate liberal amounts of liver and spam. I still enjoy them. Once, I stayed in bed for three days, so no one would bother me. I grew up in a Christian home. For 15 years, I trained Marine Mammals. I once dated a red-headed, Irish guy named Michael Jackson. In September of 1989 I came out of the closet. In 1998, I left my gay life behind for good. Sometimes, looking back makes my head spin.
I knew two things my whole life: I felt different than other boys and Jesus Christ died for my sins. I write for every little boy or “old” man wrestling with homosexuality and Christianity; for parents who wait at the end of the driveway for their boys to return home. I’ve willingly abused the grace God most of my life; pre and post Christ. God has seen more of my back and my middle finger, than my heart. Yet, He willingly gave me the strength to walk away from my sexually, sinful life when I asked. The same scripture being twisted today to affirm homosexuality, called me up and out of homosexuality.
I have no profession of perfection. Only a profession of Jesus.
I can’t do life alone.
I can’t do it with another man in my bed.
I am God’s rescue mission. Y tu, tambien.
For the rejected, abandoned, hopeless, the proud, the hot and fit and the “happy”, Jesus died.
I need healthy, intimate relationships. These are the disappointments and revelations of my journey into gay culture and the Christian world and the dark smoky hallways in between.
Hopefully, the intersections of our journeys will illuminate the path to God. Jesus.
My journey to the Son 
Hi Mattie,
I stumbled onto your blog yesterday and found it to be compelling. I have to tell you I am sooo tired of being labeled a homophob, racist and bigot, I have just retreated. I am exhausted at being misunderstood. This hits particularly closed to home because my brother in law ‘came out’ after 36 years of marriage several years ago. He wrote a letter to his siblings telling him of this change in his life. My husband asked me what he should do. I told him to call him and tell him that he loved him. Fast forward a couple of years and now he irate with us (me in particular) because he saw us as supportive and now, because we don’t support ‘gay marriage’ we are the enemy. I guess because we love him, he thought that meant we supported his actions.
Again, I am simply exhausted. There seems to be no room for discussion. How does one love the sinner and hate the sin in this instance?
Thanks! Chris
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I think a better saying or phrase would be “Understand the sin, Love those trapped by it.” There is a faction of people who feel trapped in the gay life and want out, but they stay in it because they believe its genetic. I would like to answer more later, but for now, you gotta see “trees not the forest”. The gay community is not the same as the gay agenda. There are some gay people who could care less about marriage. There are some who fight for it. The gay agenda is a driving force not only for change but for pushing the LGBT agenda to the forefront of every newspaper, media outlet and curriculum. We can’t lump them all under one heading. We must as Christians see individuals who struggle. Gay people aren’t a part of global plague. They are people deceived and trapped in sin. Jesus would be having dinner with them, not trying to avoid them like the plag…you get the idea.
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In my attempts to “understand the sin, love those trapped by it” I’m wondering what those who say God made them gay say about those who change. Do they say that there are a few who God gave a choice?
My heart goes out to those with this struggle. I see other things in my life that I don’t think will ever change and I think I understand where they are coming from. Though I don’t really believe it, I feel like it is my lot in life and many would say that “God allowed it” somehow condoning my suffering. I however, don’t see it that way, but I understand how it might help others to say that. Sometimes I wish I could. It would feel much better.
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I came across this from your link on commenting on the Tebow picture on Facebook. WOW, you have an amazing testimony that we don’t hear enough of. Thank you for sharing as this truly made my day!
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Thanks Andrew!
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Well said Mattie, God bless you and YOUR brave stance. Praying for you.
Tony Riches
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Amen… I love the fact that you call yourself redeemed… there is therefore no condemnation to then that are in Christ who are called according to his purpose. We overcome the enemy by the blood of the lamb and word of our testimony and I pray the Lord will continue to show himself faithful in your life.
God bless you…continue to walk redeemed.
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Hey Matt,
Thanks for your honestly. I agree that we want to love and hate the sin but that is something that is unexceptable. We are working on becoming foster parents and they want me to say if I had a child and he announced that he is gay I should be happy for him. I cannot say that. I realize that even if I did not include God in this, it is still a hard life to choose for yourself. Why wouldn’t I want different for that child. The acceptance is a huge part I can imagine. Any group that loves unconditionally is enticing. The church has failed a lot of people and for that I am truely sorry. That was not Jesus plan for the church and we all know it.
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Hey Matt,
I was thankful to come across your testimony ; it offers hope. I have never identified myself as gay or homosexual, however, for a long time I have experienced an undeniable attraction to men. The verse concerning those who are “sexually immoral…shall not inherit the Kingdom of God” rings in my head almost daily and is a driving force for me to get out of this rut, and get right with the Lord. Sin has run it’s course in my life because I was weak and talked myself into thinking I could get out of this without His help. The truth is, I think it is difficult for anyone not in this situation to understand the strain it puts on your life. It gets to the point where your self guilt is all you can concentrate on. When I came to the conclusion that I was acting against God with my thoughts and actions, I was filled with a Godly Sorrow, and the conviction I received to turn away from Sin and to the Spirit has been healing me. I tire of people claiming it’s a natural feeling you are born with and cannot walk away from. I instead yearn for the day that I can say I’m free of it completely.
Not too long ago, I recommitted myself to Christ and miraculous changes have been happening in my life. One of the reasons I was drawn back to him was my addiction to porn on the internet (usually of the gay nature, which only intensified my attractions and thoughts). I knew something was wrong and I had to stop the “seek forgiveness, sin again” cycle. I wanted to turn away from it completely. I had a heart to heart with a youth minister and I have come back to Jesus! I plan on getting baptized next month. It’s been over a month since I’ve seen any porn or had any desire to. I consider it a miracle and its matured my walk with Him to the point where I can say “no” to these temptations. I am still struggling with homosexual thoughts and desires however, trying to keep them from entering my head as they do periodically. I’m praying that Christ will transcend all of this, because I want out of it.
Your story and your stance on this gives me a great deal of hope. No amount of psychiatry, therapies, or man created remedies can equate to the power of God when it comes to this issue! I fully believe He will enter my life fully so there is no more room for this sin and deceit in my heart. It’s bloggers/people such as yourself that give those of us that are struggling the ammunition and perseverance to see past the Enemy’s agenda and on to God’s purpose and deliverance.
God Bless,
Ian
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Wow! God bless you Ian. Thank you for sharing. This comment truly was a blessing to read. I keep doing what I’m doing, because I’m called by God, but I’ll take all the encouragement I can get.
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Hi Ian,
Praise God for folks like you and Mat who are willing to testify about the Truth. Thank you!
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Matt, I applaud you in your obedience to God’s will in your life! Continue pressing on for the great prize and never forget with God anything is possible! God’s abundance of blessings and rich inheritances. Deb
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I just ran across your blog today. You were suggested by Twitter for someone for me to follow, so I did, and found your blog through there.
I haven’t read many posts, but have already been encouraged. I wish I was where you’re at. I’m still addicted to porn and anonymous sexual encounters with other guys, and fear I can never quit. I’m a spiritual mess, I want to believe God loves me, but I can’t get there.
Thanks for sharing your story. I subscribed to your blog and will follow it. I also posted a link on my blog, which is anonymous
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Hey Marcus. Just checking in to see how goes your walk? Thanks for visiting the blog. I hope you are enjoying reading the entries. God continues to lead us to men who are ready to exchange their gay lives for a life in Christ. With all the bad news on the internet about the “triumphs” for civil liberties in the gay community, it’s nice to see someone saying Yes to God when world collectively screams No. God bless you bud. Matthew
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Hi, Mattie. Thank God for your blog! You are the first person I have come across who said something close to how I view myself. I just read your post, “Silencing the Giants,” and was struck by the phrase where you described yourself as “a straight man who is occasionally tempted by the sexual sin of my past.” That is, at once, a description of me, of you, surely of many others in our situation, and I would be willing to bet, of many men who never experienced same-sex attractions (who would be tempted by the opposite-sex sin of their past). Thank you for speaking out. I’m going to follow your blog and your journey, as I hope you will mine. We need to fill our minds with the truth that, as you stated, it is Biblical to walk away from this sin. I pray we can be of help to each other as we continue down our individual roads of freedom!
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Hello Griffin, Thanks for visiting the blog. I hope you are hearing from God as you read. Ultimately that is my hope for anyone who reads these words is that they find God and allow Him to heal their wounds and set them on the right path. Thank you for your comment and your encouragement. There are men and women out there who adhere to biblical sexuality these days. The world says we do no exist, but that is not the truth. Mattiewalk
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I can’t help but feel bad for you Mattie. You are gay weather you admit it or not, and denying is something that will cause you issues down the line. One doesn’t choose these things. One does, however, choose to believe in fairy talks and virgin births and puff the magic dragon. Good luck sir, you’re going to need it.
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Terrible disgusting article. Gay people are born this and cannot change.
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Ignore the haters Matthew…… God is using you
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Hi Mark,
We change our clothes, some folks change life partners, thieves and drug addicts change course when transformed under the power of the Holy Spirit. Life is a matter of choice and determination to see our choices through. Glad for folks like you who are on Matt’s side.
Greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. 🙂
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Thanks brother. I will do my best. No matter how many stones they throw gotta remember they aren’t the real enemy.
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I’m a mom with a son that believes he is gay. I am so encouraged about what God has done in your heart as well as others. Praying for your ministry.
Debbie
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Mattie – Greetings from D.C., and very nice to see your encouraging blog. I saw that you’d chimed in earlier this year under J. Lee Grady’s article on this topic (entitled “The Painful Truth About Gay Pleasure”) in “Charisma” Magazine, and wanted to commend you for your love-focused, Christlike attitude, and well thought-out response. I’m Jerrod, the commenter who’d begun a response just under the piece, and who did his best, as you’ve done here, to reply to other participants in as God-centered a way as possible. Should you or any of your readers be interested in seeing the write-up, published last January, I’m including the link here: http://www.charismamag.com/blogs/fire-in-my-bones/19512-the-painful-truth-about-gay-pleasure. I know we’re all built differently, and give you high marks for recognizing that some, such as myself who’ve always had to deal with same-sex attraction, find it more difficult than others to overcome this scourge – a word I use intentionally. All things considered, I trust that you’ll keep up the good work edifying others with your victorious personal account, and pray the Lord’s continued blessings on your powerful testimony. In Him, -J.
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Hey Jerrod Forrest. Thanks for your encouraging words and the link you shared. I know full well that attempting to overcome this struggle is no small task. I believe that men and women can walk away from homosexuality. It is just a shame that in America we can’t simply choose to combat our same sex desires as easily as gay men and women choose to embrace their gay desires. There are so many gay identified men and women dying as a direct result of the religion of “Tolerance” that the gay community preaches, but very rarely applies to both sides of the issue.
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The above being said, Mattie, good on you for helping readers to see a very viable perspective that is ofttimes muted, or perhaps misunderstood. May our Heavenly Father’s matchless grace enable you to continue enlightening others, and provide hope to those for whom a true success story would mean so much.
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Want to sign up for your blog
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Go ahead my friend!
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Hello. Thank you for following. Do comment, it is interesting to get other points of view.
Whatever you say here, others are entitled to post extracts of your writings for the purpose of criticism, and links to your blog. Hard luck.
What you write here is pretty confused. “Ex-gay” does not exist. You remain with your attractions. Some people are bisexual, and some people choose celibacy from a misguided belief that that is the only Christian option.
I pray you may be saved from that misguided belief. I pray you may not delude others into believing it.
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Clare, I’ve always tried to be respectful of you with all my correspondence. I was looking around my blog the other day and accidentally clicked follow on your blog. I quickly changed that, but apparently not before you received a notice. Anyway, no one is “entitled” as you say to use any of my writing unless given my permission. But let them criticize away. Jesus said we would be persecuted for living a life in service to Him. You seem very fond of telling me what I am and am not, but you can’t refute the truth of my testimony and the fact that I am ex gay. I may still be tempted homosexually, but I am not defined by my temptations anymore than Jesus was defined by his temptations in the wilderness. Anything else I post is going to be a he said this, I say this dialogue, so I won’t say much. Just so that you know, I lead other men according to the bible, not according to my own grand delusions of what is right. You seem pretty well deceived on many things the bible says. I left homosexuality 16 years ago. I’ve no plans to go back. My childhood development acted to shape and mold homosexual desires. The same way it did most of us who struggle. I can assure you it’s not me who is deluding the public. I am living according to a biblical standard, not a custom made gospel that keeps my sin alive and well.
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Sorry, Mattie, you have no idea about fair use. Linking, whether to poke fun at your silliness or for some other reason, is equally acceptable.
You make ridiculous assertions about the secular law, and equally ridiculous assertions about God and the Bible. Saying it don’t make it so, Mattie.
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“Saying it dont make it so, Mattie.” Oh Clare, great twisted physician. Heal thyself.
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And by the way, I have been saved from the misguided belief that I was born gay, so praise God your prayers are already being answered.
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I was wondering about your thoughts regarding John Smid’s marriage. I think you wrote that you knew Smid.
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As is noted by my blog title, I write about my post gay life, which I am a complete authority on. I won’t comment on John’s life or his journey. It doesn’t really matter what I think. I know John as a former leader, mentor and teacher of many, including some that I held very near and dear to my heart. His heart for people like me was something of an inspiration in a time when I needed it most. I life well lived will consist of many different interactions with a variety of mentors. I am very thankful that at a time when I needed encouragement, John Smid was there with a smile and a word and that’s really all that matters.
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It must be very hard for you with so many of the people you were in ministry with denouncing this movement.
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When I was a little boy, one of my favorite things to do was go to the zoo, so on occasion my parents would take me to the Tulsa Zoo or the Oklahoma City Zoo. As I got older, my trips to the zoo, with my parents, grew less frequent, but my love of the zoo never faded. When I got old enough to take myself to the zoo, I did. The love that my parents birthed inside my heart for the zoo continued on even after my parents stopped going to the zoo with me. I see “this movement” you speak of the same way. It was an encounter with Jesus Christ and a love for Killer Whales that finally led me out of homosexuality. I had many mentors and colleagues over the years, but it was ultimately Jesus Christ that sustains me. It’s always difficult to carry on when those who were once standing strong with you are no longer there, but that doesn’t make the cause any less amazing. I walked away from homosexuality 16 years ago this December 22nd. So yes it is hard, I won’t deny that, but I wouldn’t change my life and this ministry for anything. It was back then and still is today, all about Jesus. There are plenty of men and women in ministry still celebrating Freedom from homosexuality. They simply aren’t falling under the title of Exodus any more. They are falling under the title of redeemed, loved, forgiven, church people, mothers, fathers, sisters, friends and any other ordinary title that simply gives Jesus Christ the credit for freeing people from a prison of sexual brokenness. I have nothing but love for the people that laid the foundation of my life and ministry, but just because they woke up and decided it was time for them to boycott “the zoo”, doesn’t mean that I can’t visit however often I feel like it. My passion for people was not birthed at conferences or in seminars. My desire to help the lost came about as a result of Jesus showing me that I was not born gay and that I had a choice when it came to living a gay life or a life of holiness, dedicated to Christ. Jesus is the reason I minister the gospel to the sexually broken. Jesus is the reason for everything I do. God bless.
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An edited (for brevity) reply: Mattie…To say God made people that way is to say God made people to sin,and if that were the case he wouldn’t have destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah and tell us not to do these things of sexual immorality to begin with. [The bible] also says every sin is a temptation to from Satan! And to deny yourself from sin! Keep up the good work Mattie…
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Hey Raymond. Know that I read each and every one of your replies. I know you have a lot to say. I can appreciate that. I have edited your reply for brevity, but I did read each and every word. God bless my friend.
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Is it alright to hit the share button on FB and share your blog? I just found your blog on FB and think it may help many people, but your first paragraph states no sharing witout consent.
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Hi Tami. Thank you for asking. As long as you are using the blog in a positive light and it is being used to edify people and not defame me or anyone else, please do. I mainly post this disclaimer for the blogger haters.
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Matt I am so thankful that God has truly delivered you! You were so brave to write this post. God has gave you courage as well and Boldness to speak the truth! I pray that God will continue to work in your life. I just read the prayer of Jabez you should read it! Don’t be weary in well doing! God bless you brother!
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I just saw the disclaimer. A mutual friend of ours had posted your article on gay marriage. I shared it before reading the disclaimer.
I have been struggling with a proper Christian viewpoint on this whole marriage thing. I don’t approve of it, yet am ok (well, not really ok) with the fact that I’m overweight by gluttony, am envious, am pleasure seeking, and am just plain selfish. These things are listed with all the others in Jesus’ lists of those who will not inherit His kingdom. So for me to beat up others when I am struggling with overcoming my own sins, just seems hypocritical.
Yet, I’m not ok with calling these sins as ok. Your blog is of great help to all people.
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It’s okay to share this Mary. Thanks for asking.
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With all due respect, and I must hazard a guess that you won’t, nay, will choose not to understand it when I say, There’s Something About Mary, Mary.
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Hi mattie my name is Tom, very nice article, I ran across your blog and could not help to notice that I am in a very similar situation in life change. I did not live a gay lifestyle but my situation is a little different because I was A MIME for 25 yrs, I lived the mime lifestyle for all those years that included me making fun of people. my excuse for it was I was born that way but now I know that I wasn’t. I am now trying to convince other mimes in this country that they can also stop being mimes and live a normal life without making fun of people. I am thinking about writing my own blog post mime life, hope you don’t mind me taking some of your idea, thanks and good luck to you.
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OH MY GOSH!!!! I laughed my head off at this Tom. You are in desperate need of a stage my friend for your immense talent. Your Mime platform was stolen from you way too soon. Your silent screams could be felt if not heard. Take a moment and think of all the mimes out there who were “silenced” before their true expiration date. A mime is indeed a terrible thing to waste. Heifer!
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Matthew! Hello! My name is Nando, and I guarantee you have NO idea who I am. I am 24 years old, from Lancaster, PA (no, I’m not Amish.) and happened to stumble across your blog a couple of weeks ago. Since reading it- I have been so awe struck by how faithful God is! I, too, am living my own version of a post gay life, and I am just so encouraged by your blog and your point of view on life. I remember giving my life to Christ 3 years ago, and being so afraid of what freedom looked like for me, I didn’t see it as a tangible option. I was so consumed with ME. As time goes on- I see more and more men living for God and breaking that barrier of what is “normal” and “okay”. I understood very quickly that I was not learning just for me, but I was also lesson for many other people around me, in this “old and water” battle, as you described it in a post. I love what God is doing in my life and can appreciate (and find so much comfort) in what he has done in yours. I added you on Facebook to keep up a little better- because again, I feel like I’ve almost found my “spirit animal”, for lack of a better term! You, of course, don’t have to add me but I wanted to let you know that I praise God bag I came across your blog, and I am praying for you and your ministry.
Have an awesome day, and thanks for reading
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Thank you for contacting me through My Space. I missed your blogs. Happy to hear you are still fighting the good fight of Faith with our Lord Jesus Christ. Tried looking for you in Facebook as Matthew Aaron but could not find you. Look for me and befriend me. Thanks again for reaching out to me buddy, after all these years. Take care and God Bless you!
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Hey Nelson. Contact me on Facebook
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Yay! Another friend! 🙂
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I really like what you wrote. It gives me hope. I can be reached at
Stephen.gee.knapp@gmail.com
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